Monday, March 06, 2006

Top 10 Sermons You Never Want to Hear!

The time is 2305, I have a glass of red wine in hand, just finished reading over Jimmy Dunn's Jesus Remembered, and I'm feeling kinda cheeky. So here we go, the top ten sermons you never want to hear:

10. Any sermon with the words "Purpose Driven" in the title (no offence to RW, but it's been done unto death).

9. Roses or Pansies, what flowers should we have in Church?

8. Dancing: the devil’s tool to undermine your faith.

7. Mel Gibson, Hollywood hunk or new age anti-Christ?

6. Phil 2:5-11: Gnostic Ubermensch or Pauline Zeitgeist?

5. Ten biblical tax shelters

4. Part 12 of a 3 part series on the pre-tribulation rapture

3. Twelve steps to being a more godly pet owner.

2. Homosexuality, try it before you knock it (got this one from Episcopal Life magazine)

1. Toilet hygiene: Are you keeping the whole levitical code?

More seriously, may God bless those who faithfully preach the Word in season and out of season (2 Tim. 4.1-5)!


Alan S. Bandy said...

Amen to #4 and I preached #1 last week.

Ben Myers said...

Amen to #10!

Chris Tilling said...


#2 is my favourite - has absolutely everything a sermon title should: unnecessarily crass, offensive, and bound to provoke overly conservative wrath. Who could ask for more?

What about: Why you Can’t be Saved Unless you Believe the NP on Justification, or, A Catalogue of the 100 Most Filthy Sins I’ve Heard Since I Pastored in this Pathetic Church

Jim said...

This is off topic (and I can't manage the wit of Chris)- but Mike, I need your email address please. I have a query.

C. Stirling Bartholomew said...

I have never heard a sermon preached on pre-tribulation rapture and the church of my school days had a pastor from Dallas (DTS) who shared a dorm room with Hal Lindsey.

I would add to your list:
"How to discover and exercise your spiritual gift(s)."


Secret Rapture said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

At: My Inaugural Address (PDF File)
At: My Site
Also at: Other Site Your jaw will drop!

Chris Petersen said...

Perhaps we should add,"5 Keys to Unlocking Financial Bliss"

TheBlueRaja said...

You forgot:

"Is Masturbation Sin?"

I actually heard a tape in which Piper spoke on the subject on a Sunday morning!!! I'm not what I'd call "prudish", but I have to admit, even with listening in the privacy of my office it made me a bit uneasy.

Mike said...

That just made my day. :)

Anonymous said...

The collective intelligence (?) here are doing what they can to help fulfill Scripture (thus making it even more believable). I refer to Revelation 22:11 which says "he which is filthy, let him be filthy still." If no one on earth would be fulfilling this right now, the Bible's predictive power would appear to be rather sick, wouldn't it! THE THINKER