Monday, November 17, 2008

Off to ETS and SBL

It's that time of year again: airports, bookstalls, chatting, papers, coffee, receptions, renewing friendships, and begging publishers to give me at least five minutes of their time so I can sell them my latest project, "Shakespeare's use of the semi-colon and its impact upon the grammar of the KJV".

I will be flying out on my birthday to Boston. So remember, should you see Michael Bird then (a) give him a hug and pinch his cheeks and say "Ooh what a cute little boy you're growing into, happy birthday Mikie", (b) buy him lunch with salad, steak, and lobster, (c) buy him a book from a European publisher, (d) buy him a glass of imported Aussie red wine at a nice restaurant, (e) take him to a "football" game featuring the Greenbay packers [I use the term "football" rather loosely here since it is played by a bunch of pillow biting nancy boys]; (f) buy a copy of all of the books he's written and get him to autograph them as to increase their resale value on e-bay; (g) attend his two ETS papers, applaud loudly at the end with optional wolf whistles, and then quote what the people of Tyre and Sidon said to Herod in Acts 12.22; (h) buy him a copy of Jimmy Dunn's book Beginning from Jerusalem and Craig Blomberg's The Case for Historic Pre-millennialism; (i) tell him that you love reading his blog (except for the rants by his sidekick Willitts); (j) buy him a bottle of Aussie red wine, ask him what he thinks of the New Perspective, and stare into his gorgeous blue eyes as he talks the night away; (k) buy him a cassette of books from either Brill, Mohr/Siebeck, Walter de Gruyter, or Baylor Uni Press; (l) if you see him in a liquor store buying red wine because the Yale reception only had the vulgar French stuff, avoid eye contact and pretend you don't know him; (m) tell him you saw James Crossley giving a paper at the Queer hermeneutics session and that it was really, really bad (then explain what you were doing there in the first place); (n) buy a round of drinks for Michael and all of his Ph.D students who he will be meeting with; (o) ask him if he is the guy who plays Horatio on Miami CSI and act shocked when he says, "why yes"; (p) tell him to run faster after he is chased out of the ETS banquet hall by an angry mob of PCA/SBC academics for proposing a toast to the USA's president-elect; (q) ask him if he could get you Joel Willitts' autograph and watch him roll his eyes; (r) wish him a happy birthday and a safe trip home.

12 comments:

Angie Van De Merwe said...

Who do you think runs the fastest, you or the PCAers and SBCers? I hope you do!!!!

Brandon said...

Hopefully there's room for "buying Brandon dinner" in your schedule.

Ben Myers said...

"... the vulgar French stuff" — okay, humour is one thing, but when you start insulting French wines you're just going WAY too far... I will pray for you.

Tyler said...

"pillow biting nancy boys"

A reference to football players in general or solely the Green Bay variety? If the latter, then I agree.

Andy Naselli said...

Mike, you make me laugh almost as hard as Carl Trueman's articles!

hrobins said...

You stopped at "r"? I was certain we would reach "z" eventually. Very disappointing, Mike.

Eilidh said...

happy birthday Mike!

James F. McGrath said...

I hope you have a happy birthday, and someone very wealthy buys you a steak and lobster dinner. I will not even hold out the vain hope that someone wealthier still will buy you a book published by E. J. Brill! :)

andrea said...

Happy Birthday Dr Clive . Is the book worth more on ebay with the signature ?you know Christmas is coming and many mouths to feed!!

Michael said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-----------
Michael

Sport betting guide

Susan said...

Michael, it was a total pleasure to have met you. With 20-20 hindsight, I realize that a) I inquired if you were the blog-writer, and b) the next day, bought HDCB?. Belated happy birthday!

Susan

Michael said...

Oh how wrong you are about American Football. Sure, they're whiney about contracts and are money grubbing, and the games are now abominations of advertising and free agency makes the whole thing just plain pathetic. BUT, if you were to go out there and sustain the hits that are sustained in an American Football game, my educated guess is that you would either die or become paralyzed, that is, if you didn't get put out of the game early due to a broken bone or traumatic brain injury. Sure, rugby is tough, I appreciate that, BUT they come nowhere near to sustaining the sort of high speed spearhead collisions that occur in American Football. Just had to make that clear. Oh yeah, and Happy Birthday.